Pre-Christmas 2010

Oh My YAY its almost Christmas!!!!!! Ha, yes I just said that!!!! :) So it has finally gotten cold outside and my christmas tree is FINALLY up as you can see :) So Its finally starting to look and feel like Christmas!!!....Now if only we could get some snow!!! ;) Granted for me there would be no "hey Chilis sorry I cant make it to work today im snowed in"....because I seriously live like 1.5 mins away and they would probably tell me to start walking! ha-ha. So I've seen a few other blogs on what everyone wants from christmas so I figured I'd make one too........ I have had one Christmas party so far and I walked away with a purse made out of a REAL football!......

I Love It!!!!! :) I probably wont ever carry it as a purse but I still love it! I have another Christmas party this Thursday and its a German Christmas Party so it should be a lot of fun! And then next Wednesday I have a x-mas party at work and we're going pot luck style! YUM!!!! Which means this little girl gets to cook which that alone makes me very very happy!

Speaking of cooking I have the next 2 days off work because tonight someone from work texted me and really needed money and he has kids and its christmas time so I gave in and let him have it. And tomorrow im just off because I took off! I think I've realized a plus to being single and having no kids......it seems as if everyone under the sun is needing to work really bad right now and im just not. Perks of being alone at christmas time. Which I might add this is a FIRST for me! I have never ever spent a Christmas alone! Its sad and good at the same time. Im actually looking forward to it! A very big part of me is turning into little Miss Independent and Im really starting to think I would be very happy this way because im loving it now. But back to cooking since im off work I started up a pot of northern beans in the slow cooker and a loaf of bread in the bread maker this afternoon. Im super excited to see how the bread will turn out. Ive made beans tons of times along with cornbread and fried potatoes...mmhhmmm!! But the bread is a first so i'll let you know! :)

Side note.......Im moving into a bigger apartment in March ok not even an apartment but a townhouse!!!!! Im sooooo stinkin excited, its two floors, 2 bedroom, 2 bath, FULL KITCHEN (HEAVEN), a fireplace and only a $250 deposit for an animal next to the $500 dollar deposit where Im at!!! When I was telling my dad about it he said "why do you need anything bigger....Are you getting married?" ha-ha I of course just laughed and said no and thats why im getting something nicer and bigger. I want something thats more long term and really nice. Dont get me wrong my apt now is all brand new and very nice but I realized I make plenty of money that I can upgrade to a place thats more home felt and has room from company!! :) So please in 3 months come see me and stay the weekend! :)

Ok my Christmas list/ Birthday list......No im not being selfish I have since I was a little girl combined the two because my birthday is so close to xmas its easier to just give my one list! :) So my mac has finally kicked the bucket! I have had more problems in the last month than I ever have, my screen currently appears as that of a xray screen but im really good and reading it for some reason. So all I asked for this year was Apple.com gift cards to go toward this new mac im going to have to invest in. :( Not so exciting but it will be worth it once I get it. :) But I cant ask for only one thing so ill add "Just Dance 2" for the Wii, New Boots, Anything cookware, and how about a puppy! Thats it! :) Surely thats not asking for to much right?........Anyways nothing profound in this blog just a few random thoughts. Hope everyone has an AMAZING week!!!! <3

*12* Days Till Christmas!!
*18* Days Till My 26th Birthday!! :D

Institutionalized

First I want to tell you all how much of a out of shape BABY I am. I have been doing P90X again and Plyometrics is my favorite but its been like 2 months since ive done it and ill just say I've yet to get past 30 mins of the hour of it without quitting and I HURT bad haha! And Im burnt from tanning so im walking around like a old lady this week!!! And I dont want to hear any smart remarks about me being old! :cough: Aaron Matthews :cough:

Anyways on to the blog, So I recently purchased a book called "Organic Leadership; Leading Naturally Right Where You Are" By Neil Cole. The first chapter of the book really took a hold of me and has pushed me to back track on a lot of things in my life. The Chapter is titled "On being Institutionalized; Depending On The Walls That Imprison You" I don't want to ruin the chapter for anyone who may consider picking up this book but I will go into some what of what the chapter is about and how its effecting me personally.

I personally believe that a lot of churchs have become an institution where leaders inside the church are important and well educated people, but OUTSIDE the church they are nothing, with no clout, no power, nothing impressive. It is when you as a leader find your identity and purpose inside the church. You give your life to maintaining the institution which cause you to be a prisoner and you no longer can not imagine life on the outside. That was me. When I stepped out of my role in the church I spent months trying to figure out what I stand for and who I really was. I knew what I was inside the walls of the church but outside I felt as if I was nothing beyond a 25 year old girl who was basically starting her life over from scratch because she gave up what she had for years built her life around thinking it was defining who she was in Christ.

Not to go against or bash anything I have done in the past but when I read this and took a step back to look at the last few years of my life I realized I without a doubt had been on of these prisoners. I spend years focusing on how I could invest different parts of my life to making this institution better. I spend every moment of everyday constantly feeling as if it was my life. I can honestly say I got to the point that no longer was my own personal relationship with Jesus my number one priority in life, it was now the well being of this institution and how I was going to be moved to a higher level of position or authority. This is bad because I wanted to badly to be needed and be of great importance to the Kingdom of God when in the end when I stepped out I felt that all of that was completely gone. When I gave up the title I carried for years all I was just a girl who at one point did carry high important and value and now I carried nothing.

The more I thought about all the time and money I spent investing in my education through this intitution in the end I now realize im not qualified to do anything outside of this institution more than wait tables at a local restaurant. Ha......Crazy to think about! Not that my time there was wasted. I do not think that at all. I value the things I learned and the experiences. But the only thing I have now that I'm gone is a fresh start to do things over and differently. Which is NOT a bad thing. :)

Cole says "Christ did not come to establish an institution. His kingdom and his church are meant to be relational and spontaneous movements, not organizations. It is his followers who created the "church institution" with layers of authority and solidified programs and practices that take on a sacred nature in and of themselves. When we become part of the perpetuation of the institution so that our own identity and security are found there, we have become institutionalized."

He brings to recognition 2 problems with being institutionalized. The first being that when often unknowingly (which I believe I did) place our faith in the institution rather than in the Lord. I found my security, identity and hope through the institution not through Christ. This has been a major struggle for me now that I have stepped back into the secular world because I'm having to relearn how to put all of these things in Christ and not in my position at the church. The Second problem is that we elevate the institution to a level of being God's main instrument on earth. This is when everything under God must be and can only be done through this particular church. Cole says "The worth of people is determined by their value to the institution and its objectives." This is a BIG one in my mind. I never think one should be rejected by a church no matter where they stand and no matter how much they do wrong. That in my opinion is when the church becomes more a organization than a church. Its Gods house and who are we to judge the heart of a person to decide if they should of shouldn't be welcome into something that is run by Him?.....Or is it even being run by Him?.....Or is it run by us and we decide who can stay and who must go?.......That was free from Cecilia! ;)

I say all this to say that I do agree with Cole when he states that some people are called to work within the walls of the organized church. Its not that we must leave but that those who do stay function with freedom and faith and not in bondage. I am now at a place in life where I at times honestly feel like I'm a new christian all over again due to the fact that I placed who I became in a institution. I'm having to go back to the basics of life and learn how to do this thing in the real world because my mind only knew how to function with life inside the walls of a church. I've learned more flaws within myself in the last few months than I have in a long time. This is a good thing though. Im loving the feeling that my life is starting back at the beginning and that my God is a God of 2nd and 3rd and 57th chances! :) Im probably way beyond my 57th change to do this thing right! Life is never promised to be easy and I have never expected it to be. Yes at times I would love for it to be but I'm just glad that God always comes through and is always there to pick me up, dust me off and encourage me to keep going. I do not regret anything I have done in life. I am now simply trying to figure out who I really am and what I really stand for. All I know is for the first time in a long time I am not putting my faith, hope or identity in a church, a person, a job, a title but in God and God alone. Its not always easy but I know that He will use me and guide me in the path best suited for me. I am excited to begin this journey to find my TRUE identity in Christ :) Not only do we ONLY know God through Jesus Christ, but we ONLY know ourselves through Jesus Christ; we ONLY know life and death through Jesus Christ. Apart from Jesus Christ we cannot know the meaning of our life or our death, of God or of ourselves. :)




Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.



Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 


P.S. - 15 Days till Christmas, 21 Days till I'm *26* :) 

Text Messaging!

I hope my new way of getting people to know when I update my blog works. Haha but then again I still wish I could come up with a better way of doing it besides a text message to those of you who I know in fact read my blog but as of now thats all I have until I return to the facebook world..... if I ever do. I say that because I am having a really tough time with texting. I find it so easy, and when I get emotional, even more so.  


First off I want to apologize to anyone / everyone I text to as I know while you may love many of my bright, funny texts, it has also been an easy escape for me to not deal with some tougher issues. I can honestly admit that when things go wrong I basically loose it with the text. I make jokes about how the iphone has a function called a "text bomb" where you can instantly send around 600 text to a persons cell phone all at once......the joke I make is that I could seriously text bomb someone MYSELF if you wanted me to, and that is NO exaggeration. Its awful and it seriously hurts me that I do that to people sometimes, and most the time its people I really care about. :/ 


I can't recall when I picked up this awful addiction but I know its a bad one. I know part of the outrageous texting sometimes gets out of hand due to the fact that I can not STAND when people don't respond because in my head I feel ignored. In my mind I think that if I take the time to apologize or say something that is meaningful to any extent I'd like to know you got it and somewhat appreciate it. Ha also!!! I have a expectation I put on people to respond to everything I say due to the fact that I don't want to feel as if my words are invaluable, meaningless or taken lightly. Maybe insecurity is a bit of my problem? :/ I am what one would refer to as in love with instant gratification. I heard once that we live in a microwave world, we want everything fast and right now. Thats me! I want you to respond to me right away and have constant contact with people I enjoy talking to! WAKE UP Cecilia Your only REAL Constant Contact in life SHOULD be Jesus, But is it really? I am being TOTALLY transparent  and honest right now!


I can honestly say 99% of the time in my mind I'm just trying to make things right with people or to fix whatever is going on, but in reality I always make them way worse. So trust me I have pure intentions but that does not make it okay. A friend recently made the comment of how he liked it better when phones were meant to stay at home. I kinda wish that was the case still today because I'd probably have a few more friends. Sad but true. 


You would never really think of texting as an addiction, but it is.  At least I think it is.  I just did a search online and can see it is a highly debated subject, and a lot of people have a lot of different opinions.  Some even say it’s a mental illness, which I find a little harder to understand.  So let’s backtrack and review standard definitions of both mental illness and addiction.

mental illness:

n.

Any of various conditions characterized by impairment of an individual’s normal cognitive, emotional, or behavioral functioning, and caused by social, psychological, biochemical, genetic, or other factors, such as infection or head trauma. Also called emotional illness, mental disease, mental disorder.

addiction:

1.

a. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction.

b. An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.

2.

a. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

b. An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.

OK.  Really?  Fast cars as a mental illness?  Religion as a mental illness?  You get "chemical brain highs" from a variety of things – just because that happens, does it mean it is an addiction or mental ‘illness’?  Not to mention illness gives off such a negative connotation (do we have a heart illness?).  It sounds weak and soft, when in fact brain issues are quite serious, medical, and biological and should be treated as such.


Back to my point; texting. For me, the differentiating factor of addiction is when it interrupts your daily life and creates negative consequences for you and others.  That is really the significant factor.  


Negative consequences.


I am pretty clear that for me, texting is an addiction.  I use it as a way to communicate negative feelings when I am upset – which generally just makes everything worse.  I am also impulsive and my mind works very, very quickly.  So I might have solved a problem ten minutes ago, but come up with a new solution 10 minutes later.  When I communicate this to others (whose brains maybe aren’t on such warp speed) I am confusing, inconsistent, and perceived ‘crazy.’  After reviewing some recent texts I can see why (but really, it all made sense to me at the time and I had a different tone!). No excuses, though.  The problem I have is that texting is so EASY and so right there.  I think part of it is possibly due to past experiences. I have a great fear that if I don't fix things NOW I may never get the chance to do so again if they decide to just walk out of my life due to whatever circumstances. (Which in reality is out of my control and I should never want anyone in my life who doesn't want me in theirs but thats another story) But once again I have created problems in my life because of it, so I am vowing to stop. The bible clearly states that anything in excess is a sin and I can honestly say that my facebook and texting have become a MAJOR sin in my own personal life. 

I think many of us today when we think of sin we think of sexual immorality, murder, stealing the list goes on and on but sin is so much deeper than that. The bible describes sin as the breaking, or transgression, of Gods law. It is also defined as disobedience or rebellion against God, as well as independence from God.While the basic origin of sin is unclear, we know that it came into the world when the serpent, Satan, tempted Adam and Eve and they disobeyed God. The essence of the problem stemmed from the human desire to be like God. All sin, therefore, has its roots in idolatry—the attempt to put something or someone in the place of the Creator. Most often, that someone is one's own self. While God allows sin, he is not the author of sin. All sins are an offense to God and they separate us from him (Isaiah 59:2). 

Which bring me to the question is all sin the same? Is my excessive texting just as wrong as murder or stealing? The Bible seems to indicate that there are degrees to sin—that some are more detestable to God than others. However, when it comes to the eternal consequences of sin, they are all the same. Every sin, every act of rebellion, leads to condemnation and eternal death (Romans 6:23). All that to say yes texting and murder my be different degrees of sin but they are all displeasing to God and cause separation. 

All in all I have yet to decide how much is to much and where exactly I need to draw the line because I do think completely getting rid of my texting would take away some of the moments in life I often cherish. Example: My dad will randomly tell me I am blessed, or that he Loves me. Or girls that I mentor send me random messages telling me they love me or thanking me for being there for them; things that may be harder for some to say out loud. And things like that always seem to come at the right time, just when I need to hear them. So this is something I am in deep prayer about because I refuse to let something so petty ruin another friendship in my life. There comes a point when you have to decide is this really worth it? And personally for me texting is not worth the issues that have traveled along with it. 

And what about real life communication? texting has to ruin it to some extent!!! Real relationships can not possibly be build through text messaging. To me if you build a relationship with someone through text of the opposite sex is it really any different than online dating? ha-ha im not sure it is. Besides you can not judge a persons true character through texting, there is no emotion and you can't even begin to truly understand how the person is coming across. I mean seriously I know I would personally like to sit face to face and talk to someone ANYDAY over texting but like i said we live in a microwave world where we are all impatient and want to talk to whoever RIGHT NOW!!!!! Anyways i'll stop now before I get going again! Thats my thoughts on texting, hope someone got something from it even if it was only a explanation of why I text so dang much, which is because I can honestly admit I had a serious problem with it!! :) Ok USE to text so dang much!!! :) So be prepared to see a texting change in this girls life from this day forward. 

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a blessed Tuesday!!! <3

Contentment :)

So im not sure how many people will actually read this now that I cant publicly show all of Facebook that I wrote a new blog entry, but im still going to write. Why cant I post to Facebook?.....Because at 8:30 Monday morning I deleted my facebook! :) And yes im happy about it. Someone sent me a text yesterday and said "But you were addicted to Facebook?"......Haha my response was "Exactly". I was just far to addicted and spent way to much time on it. I spent a good while Sunday night debating on it and thinking of the pros and cons and I decided the best decision was to just get rid of it. Now in the times I want to sit down and creep on people on facebook I take out the bible instead. Working out great for me!!!! :) I don't miss it at all!

Its finally DECEMBER!!!! And this girl is oh so very happy about that fact!!! 1. because I just love the month of December! It just screams holidays, cozy fireplaces, hot chocolate (even though I don't drink it), family, shopping and christmas and my birthday of course! :) Eeek, my birthday?.....thats a topic I don't really want to go into! I'll be 26 and I'm still not completely sure how I feel about that. But its ok because when I even stress to someone about it most peoples responses are that I look 18! So I guess I shouldn't really have anything to complain about as long as I still look young right? :) 

So I read something today in "My Utmost For His Highest" By Oswald Chambers and my goodness it stuck out to me like crazy and I find it to carry a lot of truth in my life at this time. The statement was simply this...."When God's will is in complete control, He removes all pressure." I love that!! Its so simply but I'm finding it to bring a lot of truth in my own life personally. I was thinking about my current state of mind at one point yesterday and trying to figure out what my current mindset of how my life was going at this current time and it just drew a blank. At first I wasnt sure what that meant. After a few moments of trying to figure out why I felt just blah i realized I was in a period of complete contentment! 

Contentment is the most powerful proof to the truth of our Christian profession. As Christians we profess the glorious truth of the sovereignty of God. Our God reigns. He rules over everything, and over us, we confess. As a Christian, I confess: "I am in the hands of my heavenly Father. My life is not a product of chance, but of His will. He has made me as the Creator. And by His providence He continues to care for me and to guide all things. I am in His hand. I belong to the Lord. He is responsible for me. My God is wise and His counsel includes all things that happen. He loves me. He has forgiven my sins in Jesus Christ. He has shown me His amazing grace." That is our confession. The proof that that confession is genuine will be found in a life of contentment. We don’t not need to put your hand over fire to prove to others that you are genuine about what you say as a Christian. But a life of contentment, as you live it before the world and before your friends, is the strongest witness you could ever give of your confession.

 To be content means that one believes God will meet his needs and that God will work all circumstances for his good. A godly person has found what all who are envious and greedy and discontented are looking for and never find. He has found perfect satisfaction. He has found rest in the soul, in God.  Still more. Christian contentment is not repression. It is not when all of our desires and ambitions are firmly repressed within us. Christian contentment is not the ability simply to hold things down. No, Christian contentment is a gracious work in the heart. It is a giving all things over to the hand of God. It is submitting to the hand of the Lord and believing that what He does He does well. Contentment is when the grace of God is rooted in the heart, it is inward. Our contentment is not due to our possessions, to the things that God has given to us in this world. We are content in the world. But what gives us contentment is not the physical, not the material, but it is God.

Thats a first for me! Seriously! I think most of my life I have lived thinking things are either really good or just really bad. Im constantly searching for something to either make me really happy or im just completely down because of whatever circumstances going on in my life. But I honestly believe for the first time in a long time and possibly ever have I found a true point of contentment and I LOVE it!!! That’s not to say that good things aren't happening and there are not things I'd like to be better, its just to say God is in control and I no longer am not and I'm enjoying letting Him drive because I trust He knows my future better than I do. :) Contentment, therefore, is the grace of God to make God's value judgments concerning what is truly rich. True riches is to have a cleared conscience before God. True richness is to have fellowship with the living God through faith in Jesus Christ. True richness is the peace of God in my heart. True richness is the assurance that I am accepted in the beloved Son of God. May we all continue to go after God in such a way that we don’t search for or try to find contentment in life, but that we seek God so strongly that contentment in Him finds us! Have a blessed Wednesday!! <3 J

24 Days Till Christmas

30 Days Till My Birthday! :)

Thanksgiving Thursday! :)

IM BACK!!!!!........Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!! I Hope each and everyone of you are having an amazing Thanksgiving and may God bless you and your families on this special day! :) My Thanksgiving began at 6:30 this am when my alarm went off!!! BLAH who wakes up at 6:30 in the morning on thanksgiving?.....On an average Thanksgiving day you sleep in just long enough to get to where your going and enjoy a big meal ending with a big nap! But not this girl! This year my family, well my dad, step mom, brother and I decided instead of having a dinner we would go down to the Salvation Army and help serve Thanksgiving Dinner/Lunch to those in need. It was so much fun!!! Its sad to say but so true that those people say thank you and seem to appreciate you more than some of the people I serve in Chili's everyday! The very first man I saw come in today sat down at a table all alone and when his food arrived he instantly bowed his head to pray! I was almost in tears as i looked over to my dad and said "He knows who to thank for this". This convicted me hard core because this man who has nothing takes time to pray for this one meal that may have to last him all day or a few days and I have trouble thanking God for even the bigger blessings in life. :( So today was def. a refreshing much needed day for me. Even if part of me still missed that huge sit down with your family Turkey Dinner! But this was def. fulfilling spiritual which was needed far more than a physical fulfilling. :)

Deut. 15:7. If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.





So Thanksgiving 2010 What 3 Things Am I Thankful For.......

1. First and Foremost I Am thankful for the God I serve. He is my hero, my best friend, my savior, my healer, provider, giver and taker, the most loving faithful man I know. I am here on this earth today all because of his protection over my life 5 and half years ago. I am saved and reborn because of His forgiveness and love for me. I am who I am today because of His life and His word given to me. I am strong and content because of his strength and peace He gives me. I am blessed beyond even my own understanding because He give me more than i deserve. His grace and mercies are what make me new each and everyday, even when I don't deserve them. My life is nothing without Him!!! <3

2. Second, I am thankful for my family and friends. First I have the most AMAZING dad in the WHOLE WORLD!!!!! He is the smartest man I know and gives me far more credit in life than i deserve. He shows more love and encouragement over my life than anyone I know and pushes me constantly and makes me want to do so much better in life!!!! :) I have an amazing step mother who loves me as her own and is one of the strongest women i know. I have the most amazing brothers and sisters one could ask for. Ha ok when we were younger maybe not so much but now that we are older and they all have kids i love them even more! :) They have blessed my life with the most amazing babies ever!!! And my sister has been like a mother to me for the last 6 or 7 years and I love her so much for it. :) I Love you All!!! My Friends get combined in family because i love each and every one of them as if they were my family. I never take relationships lightly (which can be bad at times) but for the most part its good because I have so many people i can count on, have fun with, learn with and to turn to when im in need. God has blessed me with the most fun, outgoing, caring, loving friends a girl could ask for and i wouldn't give a single one of them up! :)

3. And last but not least I thankful for my job. Ha yes call me crazy, but i freakin LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! Most may see the fact that i work as a waitress at a restaurant as a negative place to be at 26 (ok im only 25, but im ALMOST 26 :).....But I have been offered full time positions at 2 different places now and have turned them down because 1. I Make really really good money doing what i do and 2. I dont have to work full time hours. So more money in less hours, plus they let me make my own schedule? and i love it!.....u cant beat that. And im debating on school next Fall so right now in life this is my best bet. :) But anyways I love doing what i do. Serving people doesn't feel like a job AT ALL to me. I always tell me people its like i get paid to be nice to people. :) And i LOVE LOVE talking to people and i will talk to anyone so i love it when i get customers who wanna talk! ;) So thank you Jesus for blessing me with such an AMAZING Job!!!! :)

Ok So thats my top 3 things! I could go on and on because I'm so thankful for so much in my life right now but thats the just of it. I hope each and every one of you and your families have a safe and happy Thanksgiving and dont spend to much money tomorrow!!!! ;) Love you all!!!!



Psalm 107:1- "Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever."

Oh The Love Of Being A Woman!

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell




Happy Happy Happy Wednesday Everyone!!! Can I start by saying that I am so HAPPY its finally starting to roll into fall/Thanksgiving/Cold/Christmas Season!!!!! I love this time of year more than any other season. Its jam packed one after the other with family, friends, lots of happy moments and in some cases lots of cuddling because its so cold out! :) 


I have not blogged in almost 2 weeks I think due to the fact that my mind was else where for about a week and then spent the next week trying to get back on track. But don't worry were finally there. God had to do some butt kickin and opening my eyes to a lot of things but as always He did his thing and now im better than ever! I just recently decided......ok yesterday....... that I was going to get back on my vegan kick and start running again every morning. I have learned through my season of when I was vegan I feel so much better physically/emotionally and mentally! And the running it just plat out is fun and releases a lot of stress which i definitely need right now!!! Im not really that stressed right now I just have 1 thing in my head bugging the heck out of me that I cant seem to shake!!~


I am a naturally problem solver/people pleaser!!! This has its ups and downs to it.....But I guess all thing do don't they? Well for me these characteristic traits I carry about myself have come to be somewhat of a bad thing in my life here lately. If conflict arises which in this life it always does because this world is a mess and were not perfect, especially me! :) I am a flat out hard headed pain in the rear end!!! Seriously! But anyways when conflict arises with ANYONE in my life (i don't care if i've known you 5 minutes or 10 years) then I am going to fix it!!!! I have lived my life with WAY to many broken relationships with my family that I refuse to let people just walk away that mean of any significance to me and that I actually love having in my life! So as most of you know specially those who have ever had any kind of conflict with me which is few but far between, then you know I do not go down without a fight and I DO NOT wait to fight for you! This is good because I like fixing things before they just die and never rekindle. But its bad because sometimes I tend to make them worse before they get better! Ugh, frustrates me but its so hard to just let people walk away. My past has a big part to play in why I am this way. I'll share a bit of my story for you to better understand.....


About 6 years ago I dated a guy who I had been with for almost 3 years and this was not a good thing at all! This was a very unstable and unhealthy relationship and before I was a christian obviously! (id hope a few people would smack me if I did that now) Anyways, for probably a year solid this guy would come and go out of my life.....come a few days and then leave a few days, and what did Cecilia do in this time.....sit and wait for those days when he would be back! Literally I just worked and slept!!! Makes me sick to think about but makes me realize also how strong I am because this little woman is still here today and refuses to let ANY man come and go as he pleases! So basically during this time I never knew waking up each day if I would hear from him or if I would spend the whole day hoping I might then be torn apart that night because I never did. I personally hate being ignored more than ANYTHING haha and many of you may be laughing because you know it drives me nuts! It is one thing I WILL NOT deal with! It think its rude and disrespectful and immature and personally I think if ANY person thinks they can just ignore you and then come talk to you when THEY are ready they need to get their head checked because the world doesn't revolve around  you!! You should never make someone sit and wait on you when you know its hurting them that things are messed up. Now you can stop and take the time to explain what your thinking and feeling and if your like me you will understand that space is needed BUT never is just ignoring and saying you will ttyl considered respectable! :) This is NOT a fun way to live life! No guy is ever ever worth sitting around and waiting on. It does not matter who he is and what you did wrong never ever waste a moment of your time hoping some guy who doesn't even have enough respect to just say its over or explain what's going on even step foot in your life or mind! Its not worth it. And trust me its not easy I still tend to do it but only for a day or two then I throw up the deuces!!! And this is not just for me but many close friends dealing with the same issue!


Ladies please please hear me out on this!!! All i think of when I think of my past or even the future when it comes to guys is that same little quote I heard a very very long time ago comes dancing around in my head....."No Guy Is Worth Your Tears And The One Who Is Won't Make You Cry"!!! Can I please get a few hundred Amens!!!!! Now crying bc he does something sweet or because your so happy is ok, but because he is mean or hurt you over and over is a bunch of waving red flags!!!! 


This can all be hard at times to do because myself and SO many of my close friends are at points where were just sick of having the run around with the wrong guys but because you want so badly to be loved and cherished and taken care of sometimes we tend to settle for the mean ones because 10% of the time they are sweet. Well guess what YOURSELF and ME are way better than that. I found a quote once that I have wrote really big on my kitchen wall and it says "God Knows Best, And He Will Not Be Late"!! So good! We have to remind ourself that in Gods right timing, if we just let Him take control, that He will bring us what we need because no matter what a man can show you about himself only God knows what's really inside his heart! Can I please say that again.....No matter WHAT a guy can show or revile to you about who he is as a person, only God knows what's really inside his heart and knows all the things he will do and become!!! So trust me we want to trust God in this area not the man!!!! So ladies if this guy is not knocking at YOUR door begging for attention from you and sending you sweet messages and just dying to be a part of your life kick him to the curb cause its time to move on!!!!!!! YOU and I are worth Fighting for!!!! ....And thats my soapbox!!!!....we all must "Bow Out Once You Have Given It Your Best" :)


I have a very close friend who wrote me a letter of encouragement because I let a guy who is not even worth my time get the best of me and im gonna share a bit of it with you because i think it not only was written to me but can be for you as well......


"I look at you and I see a woman of God. You are so beautiful. But your beauty is not because of your face or your hair or your perfume or clothes or body. This is not what makes a woman beautiful. No, its your modesty, and your generosity, and joy, and humor. It is your tenderness and your gentle spirit and your sweetness and your child like faith and your respect that makes you beautiful. And it is the gorgeous Jesus living inside you that makes you beautiful.  Beauty lies within you and not on you. Women are a mystery. Rob Bell says this and it is so true. He says that women are mysterious and their mystery is to be reveled only to their husbands. There is something within all of you women that makes men go crazy. It makes us do insane things. We fight for you and die for you. We go to war for you. You are a treasure meant to be sought after. You are a mystery waiting to be revealed. The more skin women show the more the mystery is revealed.........:skipping parts of the letter: ....Only your husband can have your touch or your affections or your heart and that is ONLY after he FIGHTS for you. He must show you how much you are worth before he can have you. You are not a trophy to be won but a QUEEN to be fought for and honored. It is your character and integrity that gives you beauty." ......And thats the good part that I believe should be said to all WOMEN. (And side note this guy is not one i dated just been my best friend for a really long time ha-ha no romantic side to all of that pure friendship and encouragement, which has been the one thing that I read over and over because its so true and right!!!)


Its not easy being single but it is a gift from God and once you find that one person you will never alone get to just be God and you!!! ha that makes me never want to get married!!!! Not really but it does cross my mind! :) 


Ladies Jesus wants us to learn to love Him as a husband for He loves us as His bride. You are His daughters but at the same time you are His wife. We understand this but cannot fully comprehend it. But you must surrender all your desires for a husband and affections to Him. Be willing to never get married or have a family so that you may love Him more. Do not be confused. We must love God more than we love our dreams to get married and find that ONE perfect guy. Love God with all of your heart, affection, thoughts, trust, desires.....Love Him with your time and dreams. Love Him with your beauty. Love Him with your tears. And show others how to love the same.


Happy Wednesday!!!!!!


I have read SO many books on Women & the Love of God......you think i'd be perfect at this whole thing but I'm not haha im just getting better at realizing things faster (thank God) oppose to letting them get to me for long periods of time. :) So heres a few recommendations. :)


1. "When God Writes Your Love Story" - Eric & Leslie Ludy
2. "Lady In Waiting" - Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones
3. "Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trust God" - Sheila Walsh
4. "Kissed The Girls And Made Them Cry" -Lisa Bevere
5. "Captivating" -John & Stasi Eldredge
6. "Inside My Heart" -Robin McGraw
7. "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" -Joshua Harris


Ha-Ha sorry I was gonna put just 3 but these are ALL soo good and if you need more let me know! I have a lot!! Yet somehow still am not perfect at this whole thing!!!! :P 

How He Loves Us

I woke up this morning and the enemy had a hold of my mind more than he has in a LONG time!!!! Not a good way to wake up! I laid there for probably 15 minutes just letting him beat at me. Convincing myself I always mess things up and cant seem to do anything right. Then all of a sudden God steps in and just smiles. For a moment i was a bit confused because i had no idea what happened because I hadnt been praying these mind games away i was just letting them build. Then finally it was all gone, God was there and I was ok. I jumped out of bed (not literally jump, but quickly got up) went to my ihome and just turned some worship on because when I do that the presence of God always seems to thinkin very quickly. I didnt pick anything special just put it on shuffle. The song "He loves Us" by david Crowder came on and im just laying in my living room floor soaking up Gods greatness when a line of the song stuck out like never before......"My heart turns violently inside of my chest i dont have time to maintain these regrets, when i think about the way HE LOVES US!!!" Haha DANG!!!! I began to cry and just thank God for His love for me and no matter what I say or do and no matter what i have done he still loves me!!! yes it seems so simple but sometimes we cant help but think we should of done something differently. I feel like i woke up with a lot of regrets and torn myself up trying to think what i could of done different and just beating my self thinking i mess stuff up all the time. AND of course The most amazing Man i have ever known steps in and shows me that in his eyes I am beautiful and no matter what i do he is one who i can never ever push away no matter how hard i try!!! And if that doesnt spark something in you im sorry because it SO does in me. :) So may this be an encouragement to anyone who may read this that no matter what you may say or do to a person that people may forget what you say and forget what you may do but they never forget how you made them feel. God is the same way no matter what i may say or do in my times where i may drift away for a short period the fact that my love for him still resides in my heart and that makes him happy is ALL he remembers! :) Sorry if this was all over the place! Have an amazing Thursday!!!!! :)

She Will Be Loved

And breathe......I really feel like God is at work in my life right now and i love it but sometimes i wish i could just snap my fingers and jump ahead a few weeks or months and skip all the stages leading up to stuff. But then again its those little stages that make the big stages so amazing! Am i even making sense right now probably not!!! :) I went to work this morning and when i got there they had the WHOLE parking lot blocked off because they are repaving it. Ha needless to say i walked in work and turned around and came right back home. People think were closed so NO one is gonna even try to walk from Lowes to Chilis! Oh well, i need a day to just relax and clean and do laundry and all those things that make my heart happy!!!! Speaking of happy i may sound weird but i seriously look up this movie clip from the movie "Last Song" and watch it over and over. I've probably watched it like 100 times because it makes me smile really big and very happy. Haha i know im weird but its just one of those scenes in a movie that im like i want to have a moment like that! Loser i know! Short and sweet blog. :) But thats all i have to share today is my giddy movie clip because I need to go do something productive. :) Have an AMAZING Wednesday!!! <3>

My New Home! :)

So today I have nothing profound to say but I will express a little of my joy right now due to my HAPPY HAPPY Life! :) Its so hard to believe the transitions I have made over the last 2 months. I have went through some major stuff and feel like I'm finally settling down and figuring out where I'm suppose to be.

I have a long time friend (Aaron Matthews) who is the Senior pastor of a small church in Alma and when I stepped out of Harvest Time and had no direction of where God was taking me I decided to go and check it out. From the moment I walked in the door I felt completely at home. Over the course of a few weeks I have met some of the sweetest most caring people ever. I might add that is probably one of my favorite things about going from a church of 3,000 to a church of like 150 is that you can make great friendships very quickly. 

I have officially MADE the Dilbecks adopt me as there own and can't thank them enough for all they have done. They are the most loving, caring and giving family I have met in a long time!!!!! Its one of those relationships that you know is a complete blessing from God and no other way would you find such a great family. :) I love them SOOOO much!!!! :) Todd is the coach of Alma Football team so even though I went to SHS a little piece of my heart is going out to the Airdales! :) And Bobbie she is like the mother I never had! She makes me laugh a lot so obviously thats one reason to love her but she has made me feel like one of her own and I don't think i'd feel so at home without her!!! <3 

And Aaron (the Pastor) well this sounds bad but I can't think of him without laughing because he is probably one of the most funny/fun people I have met! Ever! Well we met like I dunno 100 years ago but I guess he wasn't funny then because I don't remember it!!! :) And that takes a lot because I am drawn to funny people. And southern people which he so is because I was listening to one of his messages this morning and wanted to quote on my facebook where he said "The only reason "I'm different is because Christ saved my sorry hide!"....but bc I dunno if hide is spelled that way or Hyde and I tried to look it up both ways and its not even a word with the context he used it in so I had to pass! ha :) But on a serious note he is an AMAZING speaker and has a heart for God and it is so evident in everyone of his messages. If I have learned one thing about Aaron over the last few weeks it is that you will never question weather this man is a christian because you can tell so clearly due to the way he rejoices in his relationship with Christ and puts the needs of others before his own. He follows through on his God-given responsibilities and I am amazed at how he does it all, but he does! Aside from that he is a great, FUNNY person and amazing friend and I'm again so blessed to have him in my life.

I have also met two of the sweetest couples through this church. Chris and Magen Brown!!! Chris is the Worpship leader and character of all Razorback parties and Megen is his sweet, beautiful wife who keeps him back somewhat calm! :) Then there is Eric and Tia who just recently got engaged and who I recently learned lives like 30 ft away from me. (Tia, not eric ha) So yah, four very sweet, loving people that I'm looking forward to spending more time with, getting to know and making some life long friendships with. :) 

So yes that is a run down of my new church family! There are so many other people I have met and really love like Herold, the man who promises he's gonna let me ride one of his horses and gives me a hard time if I ever over look him and don't come and talk to him!!!!! :) Ahhh I Just love love love being there. I don't like days that I'm not there or with these people....well I still like everyday but I love days I get to spend time and see these people that make me most happy way more than on days when I don't!!! 

Thats my heart right now and what is most important in my life right!! And I thank God everyday for each and every one of these amazing people He has made a part of my life. I pray that God continues to bless them abundantly because of how much they have blessed me by just becoming a part of this awesome journey I call my life! :)

Have a blessed Monday everyone!!!! :) <3 :)

Lady of Security

I am currently reading a book called "Lady In Waiting-Becoming God's Best While Waiting For Mr. Right" By Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones. Yes the title may sound cheesy but its a very very good book! 

Im actually on my second read through the book and today I read something that made me laugh out loud and I just have to share it with you. The chapter is titled "Lady Of Security". It begins talking about the story of Ruth who was single, young, and widowed. Who must have experienced the lonely longings for the warmth of a husband like most women do at some point in our lives. But Ruth lived in victory over the desire to "man hunt". Oppose to going out and trying to find her future husband in every man she met, she sat still and let God bring her prince to her. She was "A Lady of Security". 

Why do women tend to "go after the guys"?.....Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? One word: Insecurity! Now I am just as guilty at this like everyone else. In the past I tend to think I was more of the pursuer in a relationship because anymore guys can just be very passive. BUT I did learn my lesson the hard way and now I wouldn't even consider going after a guy.  I mean once he has made his interest clear than yes I believe it becomes a 2 way street but not until it is verbally shown he is interested. I see it this way......if a girl goes after a guy (who doesn't first pursue her) and wins him over, she will end up spending the whole relationship insecure and worried if he still likes her or is still interested. BUT if he is the one who is constantly pursuing from the beginning then it gives a woman that security that he is very interested in her and may not pound out ALL of the insecurity we have as women but I do believe it takes care of most of it. Because get real we are women and when we have really great guys there WILL be times when we worry we may loose him. Its life. What you do with that insecurity is really what will make or break you. 

Ok, off my soapbox ha-ha. So the part of this chapter that seriously made me laugh out loud and just smile at Jesus was this sections.

......."Elizabeth Elliot says she is often asked the question, "What can I do to get him to notice me?" Note carefully the advice she gives.

"My answer is nothing. 'That is, nothing toward the man.

"Don't call him. Don't write a little note with a smiley face or a flower or fish under your signature and put it in his campus mailbox. Don't slide up next to him in the hall and gasp, "I've just got to talk to you!" Don't look woebegone, don't ignore him, don't pursue him, don't do him favors, don't talk about him to nine carefully selected listeners.

"There is one thing you can do: Turn the whole business over to God. (That is so GOOD!!!-cw)

If he's the man God has for you, 'No good thing does He withhold from those who walk upright' (Ps. 84:11). Direct your energies to obedience, not to nailing the man. (This is the BEST part that made me laugh/smile- cw)…. God has His own methods of getting the two of you together. He doesn't need any help or advice from you."………..

Ha- That is sooooooo good!!! That ladies is the way to go. I strongly, strongly believe that if we allow God to hold the key to our heart and emotions He will do so until the day He can give it to the man He has prepared for us. :) (exciting I know!!) God will not allow our hearts to be broken again if we leave it with Him. That’s my biggest issue right now in my own personal life is trusting guys, even men of God. I try and put walls and very, very strong restrictions on myself and my dating life for long periods of time out of fear and protection from being hurt and I’ve just recently had to break down all the walls and let God protect me and give me what I need. He can protect my heart way better than I can. We must trust Him to keep us calm and waiting on His best timing. 

This may seem hard but its not really. You begin all of these things by spending time in God's word. Proverbs 1:33 says to listen to God and live securely. In this we can find out what God is really like. Through His word we also can find what He thinks of us, which if your anything like me its way more than you would have thought. :) Our God is a King and the female child of a King is a princess. Act like the valuable princess you are, and plan to be treated as royalty!

Don't allow insecurity to motivate you to maneuver or manipulate your relationships. Instead of hunting for a husband/boyfriend, concentrate on becoming a woman of excellence. Wait for your heavenly Father to bring about His perfect plans for you. Got it?? :) 

Learning to sit still,

Resting in His will,

Confident to abide,

With Him by my side,

Resisting manipulation,

Waiting only for His stipulations.

JMK

10 Random Facts

1. I rode a lama once when i was in 5th Grade! .....ha true story! I lived out in the country at this time and we had a Lama named Benson. One day i decided i was going to ride him so i went and found a 5 gallon bucket turned it upside down next to Benson and climbed on his bare back. One little tap and off he ran with me on his back. By the time we made it to the middle of a tall grass field I started to wonder if he was ever gonna stop running so I got scared and jumped off. My parents ended up calling an ambulance and I had to go to the ER. I ended up with a cracked tailbone and walked with a limp the rest of the summer. All my older sisters guy friends called me "Lama Mama" all summer! :(

2. I've been driving for 10 maybe 11 years and have already had 9 cars! .....Spoiled in HS!

3. I love it when people say my name but i hardly ever say other peoples names. I tend to use nicknames for people a lot. I call all baby boys "Bubuh" and girls of any age "Sister". And not sister as in "Sister Amanda" or "Sister Sarah".....Just sister because....i don't really know why but i call all girls sister.

4. I want a puppy SOOOOOO BAD!!!! I have always heard that you start with a plant and if you can keep it alive, go to a fish, then a puppy, then a baby! :) ha-ha I've done the fish and the plant thing and now im ready to move on to the puppy stage! Im so tempted every time i see one now that i live somewhere that i can have one. But its an apartment and i'd feel bad leaving him inside if i was gone for a few hours and not being able to let him go outside and play when its nice out. Soooo ill just have to wait till I someday get a house or till someone else gets a house and puppy can live with them. :)

5. Im watching the Today show right now (well not watching but its on) and they have "Cosmos 50 Best Potential Boyfriends, 1 from each state) and I didn't see a 1 that was attractive. Then again i'm very very picky! Tall, dark and handsome and over 6'3!!! Otherwise I disagree! (Oh besides Wentworth Miller he's only 6'1 but he's a exception! :)......and YES i know looks arent everything! Looks are toward the bottom of my must have list! CHRISTIAN and Funny lead the way!

6. I actually LOVE LOVE LOVE my job! I miss being in ministry 24-7 but i think i now work in one of the biggest mission fields out there. Not only can God work through me with my employees but just random people who come in Chili's to eat. I have shared my faith SOOO many times to just random people who come in to eat. Ha I will talk to ANYONE who will talk back! :) But i have the best boss and make really really good money.

7. I have to pay my personal property taxes today and call me weird but I wish I was paying them on a House and not just my car! Im very independent and even though it cost a lot of money to be independent i LOVE it!!! :)

8. I LOVE Jeans!! A Lot!!! I have over 50 pairs of jeans!!! Sad I Know, but jeans are one of those things that can make or break your attire for the day! Easy to dress up or dress down! I love them! :)

9. Part of me freaks out at this point in life when I meet really good guys! Ha I probably want to get married more than most but I freak out when it comes down to it because divorce is so highly rated these days. Christian or not more people are getting divorced and cheating more than ever. Sad! :( .....UGH The Today Show just said "Is staying with the same person for life normal?....Is monogamy Natural?.....1/3 of marriages end in divorce within 10 years......" .....Exactly my point!......But it did say It is a Choice! So true! Love is a choice not an emotion! :)

10. I LOVE to Laugh! A LOT!!!! My stomach is sore today because I laughed so much at work last night! I think that the worst day can be turned amazing just by spending a little time with someone who is funny!!! I Love being around people who are funny! I mean I AM funny and im always around myself and i do make myself laugh sometimes ;) but i'd much rather have someone else make me laugh!!! My favorite people in my life I can honestly say its because they make me laugh!!! :)

Forgive me future Husband! :)

So im a girl who loves nice things! Always tend to spend a lot of money on the shoes and clothes (mostly jeans) side of things, but I love having nice things. I might add that im not spoiled!!! I work hard to get the things I want and pay cash for EVERYTHING!!! Thank you Dave Ramsey! :) BUT recently I moved back out on my own, and in the past im content with just solid colors that match for bedding, not this time. Im almost 26 years old and decided im gonna go all out this time! So i went out and spent way to much money on a bedding set! I nice one, which i refer to really nice expensive bedding as "Married Couples Bedding" bc you just dont have stuff this nice typically till you get married. So if i was married right now I would probably be in BIG trouble! :) Ha I say i'd be in trouble because most of the money I spent was on the pillows, and not the ones you lay on, the ones that make the bed look good once its made! :) ha i have NEVER done that before. I love it though, but it wasnt cheap, but I look at it this way! I may have spent a few hundred dollars  just on pillows to make my bed look good but better now then later when I will have a husband to give me a hard time about it. So one thing that will last and by the time I get married he will of forgiven me for all this money I spent just to make the bed look good! :) So please enjoy my new picture of my "Married Couples Bedding" that yes im aware needs to be steamed but I was so excited I wanted to see how it looked!!!! Enjoy! :)